My body likes to play tricks on itself. Nine out of every ten times, the pranks are mean. For example, when my subconscious mind tricks my conscious self into oversleeping by showing me a magical fake dream clock. Similarly, my godforsaken ovaries have been known to trick my brain into thinking I’m pregnant, a move so cruel that Tina Fey had the ultimate evil, Regina George, pull the same stunt in Mean Girls (hi, this is Susan from Planned Parenthood).

However, the dirtiest bit of chicanery that occurs during the perpetual battle between myself and myself is something entirely different; the most damaging act is when my five senses pick up my brain, punt it across the Atlantic, and make me truly believe that I’m back in one of my beloved foreign cities.

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